Friday, 26 July 2013

Tom Thumb Updated

There was once a poor peasant, and his wife, who was sat in front of the fire, the poor peasant hatched an idea, we shall have a child, and live off the money the government gives us, and not give the child anything much to eat. The wife hearing this agreed, and said, "Yes, even if we had only one, and it were quite small, and only as big as a thumb, I should be quite satisfied, and we could get more money for a disabled child of tiny size."

Now it so happened that the woman fell ill, and after seven months gave birth to a child, that was perfect for their purposes, but no longer than a thumb. Then said they, "It is as we wished it to be, and it shall be our dear child." Rubbing their greedy little hands together And because of its size, they called it Tom Thumb. Making fun of it, the child did not grow taller, but remained as it had been at the first for the parents didn’t feed it enough, just enough so that the child services would be satisfied. The parents of the midget Tom, claimed for everything they could for themselves, but even this wasn’t enough.

One day the peasant was getting ready to go into the forest to cut wood, when he said as if to himself, "How I wish that there was someone who would bring the cart to me." Waiting for Tom to offer to work for his dad, and so have cheap labour as well as all the funding the government gave them.

"Oh father," cried Tom Thumb, "I will soon bring the cart, rely on that. It shall be in the forest at the appointed time." But tom had an ulterior motive, he could, being as small as he was, become a house thief, but tom had to bide his time, and let all the other people in the area know this “kind” lad of short stature.

Then while tom was working out how to best steal the coins of the village, he came across 2 men who ran a circus, and tom thought of a good idea, I will get my father to sell me to these two men, that way I can get some money, and I wont be noticed. Now knowing these two men, was around, tom made an awfully loud noise, and got these 2 men interested, and the came to the father then one of them took the other aside and said, "Listen, the little fellow would make our fortune if we exhibited him in a large town, for money. We will buy him." They went to the peasant and said, "Sell us the little man. He shall be well treated with us"

"No," replied the father, "he is the apple of my eye, and all the money in the world cannot buy him from me." Using this as a ploy to get even more money from them.

Tom Thumb, however, when he heard of the bargain, had crept up the folds of his father's coat, placed himself on his shoulder, and whispered in his ear, "Father do give me away, I will soon come back again." Then the father parted with him to the two men for a handsome sum of money. And tom made him promise to give tom his share..

After a while, tom had had enough of this, and so said he needed to rest, and the 2 gentlemen decided it was getting late, decided to rest too, and when the 2 men fell asleep, he crept about a little between the sods, and then he suddenly slipped into a mousehole which he had sought out. "Good evening, gentlemen, just go home without me," he cried to them, and mocked them. They ran thither and stuck their sticks into the mousehole, but it was all in vain. Tom Thumb crept still farther in, and as it soon became quite dark, they were forced to go home with their vexation and their empty purses. Tom was happy at this so he fell asleep hugging himself tightly,

Not long afterwards, when he was just going to sleep, he heard two men go by, and one of them was saying, "How shall we set about getting hold of the rich pastor's silver and gold?"
"I could tell you that," cried Tom Thumb, interrupting them.
"What was that?" said one of the thieves in fright, "I heard someone speaking."
They stood still listening, and Tom Thumb spoke again, and said, "Take me with you, and I'll help you."
"But where are you?"
"Just look on the ground, and observe from whence my voice comes," he replied.
There the thieves at length found him, and lifted him up. "You little imp, how will you help us?" they said.
"Listen," said he, "I will creep into the pastor's room through the iron bars, and will reach out to you whatever you want to have."

So Tom got a chance now to steal from the pastor, and to get away with it, so tom crept into the pastors house, and went to the safe, and started to remove the coins, and put them in a safe mousehole, for he had come up with that idea.. after a while, he decided he had got most of the money, but he now needed some scapegoats, so he managed to open the door, by climbing into the lock, and pushing the levers till it opened. And let in the 2 theives.. as soon as tom led them to the safe, he made a very loud noise, and woke up the pastor, who reached out and grabbed his gun, making sure the choirboy was still asleep. Crept down and saw the 2 theives, and shot them dead. And tom after hearing the pastor ran down the mouse hole with all the money, hugged himself an thought once again I have gotten away with it and murder too..

Now tom had a bit of a problem, how to get back home, but he came across the idea, I know, I will find someone to carry me, off back home, so he waited till he found the right person, which was the maid an innocent young woman, who was very religious, so tom made a cross and tied himself on it and replaced her own crucifix, and pretended to be the voice of god, and persuaded this poor woman, to take the loaf, and a big sack, out of the house, and away to the peasants cottage.. so after a day of travelling, he reached the cottage, which now had an extension, and a large SUV in front of it, so tom got the woman to drop the sack, and he climbed from the crucifix, and the maid then went to a nunnery, after the religious experience.

Tom Crept into the house, using his housebreaking skills, and discovered that they didn’t really care for him, and this got his anger up, and he decided they should be dealt with.. and so tom called child services and with the help of a good crooked lawyer, divorced his parents of grounds of child endangerment, slave trading, and fraud. And got his parents arrested, and tom lived in the house, all alone with a lot of money. But being the wastrel theif he was he spent most of his money on prostitutes, and drink, and to pay for it, he had to carry on being “sold” and breaking into houses until a special task force was set up in the area, who set up a sting,. Then they arrested tom, and charged him with 24 counts of breaking and entering, fraud, and sent him to prison, for a very long time. In the same cell block as his father, and they killed each other. Stone dead.

The end..

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