Thursday, 23 January 2014

Atos and depression

I went for the Atos appointment, i knew what it would be like.. first i had to wait an hour for the appointment.. i was in at 3 for 3.30.. i was only seen at 4.30.. first person saw an african woman doing the atos test. then i saw someone called rosie..

very dismissive, she isnt there to diagnose.. but that is what she is doing.. I know what they are going to say that i have the atos miracle.. that i am lying, and i am healthy.. when even the doctors know i am not they have given me sicknotes two different doctors. My therapist said it is deep depression i try to distract myself from feeling bad..

but it is getting harder.. story after story about how i will be gotten by IDS, that i will be punished by the DWP, my doctor has increased my anti depressants but they are not working every day something is happening and makes me feel worse.. i try to beat it but stories like IDS, Benefit streets, the lying unemployment rates each story depresses me further, I really dont see much point anymore..

Is it paranoia when you know they really are out to get you.. when everything you do is wrong, I jsut want to be left alone.. left to live my life.. but i am not allowed that.. theres hardly any reason left...what joy i had in reading in games has gone. I cannot do this much longer.. I am being drained and destroyed...

Only freedom is death... dont worry i am not at that stage again.. but every story every lie by the dwp about me and the unemployed and the sick and disabled just knocks me lower and lower.. while pills can keep me stable  without external factors unfortunately external factors like IDS,DWP all reduce them further..

So they have won.. I am not going to do anything to prolong my life.. if i die tomorrow good.. wish i could afford to drink to oblivion, take drugs to forget this world.. I dont care anymore.. whats the point.. really whats the point in living in this hell of a country, a hell where IDS/DWP wish me dead guess what you have won.. i will be dead.. because you have pushed me so far..  and dont worry i am not going yet..

death by self neglect.. is that a thing?


  1. I feel your pain, I suffer depression and was declared fit by atos even though my doctors diagnosed me a long term deprssion, leading me to claim jsa and now I am at a4e in Mansfield I feel im being treated as a slave and forced into things! My adviser last week has said to me that getting a job isn't going to come down to choice meaning I will have to take what im told! Is this right? Can they really do this?how can they get away with it? Im on the edge and hate life right about now

  2. Unfortunately to them a job is a job.. it doesnt matter to them what you do, so long as its a job.. even if its a zero hours, a dead end job.. they get money..I wish i had better news for you jamie.. They can get away with it because it is a black box approach.. meaning a4e/work programme groups can do anything they wish to force you to get a job.. and even if you dont find a job, they will blame you.. take care i am here if you ever want to chat