Tuesday, 14 January 2014

FUN.. or not.. not sure

Well, I was sent to do EMDR after a interview, Now after speaking to the EMDR woman, she said Yes you have had some trauma but your real problem is low self image and depression so EMDR wouldnt work.

She then suggested me to go do CBT for depression, but also that there is a group that could help essentially its the same thing as A4e and the work programme.. but privately run.. So what is the point when they cant do anything but suggest me to go do group work.. as in sitting in groups and chatting.  They couldnt offer any training, or help getting a job except do a cv again.. do all the same things that a4e does..

Now, i dont know if you know this if you are told by society by people who are supposed to be helping you that everything is your fault, you are to blame for what happened to yourself, after a time you beleive it..

As i have said i feel totally worthless, partly because the dwp tell me i am and tells society i am.. if they would just leave me alone i would be less depressed,  Being constantly demeaned, is the sign of a bully, when you cant even escape them incase you lose all your benefits.

Now i have to go back to my doctors today for a sick note review today.. but next week i am at atos.. no doubt i will be fit and that doctors will be wrong.. because you know the miracle of atos..

I am not worried about what happens at atos.. i know what they will say.

Some days i feel really down, this last week hasnt been too bad but then i have been reading a lot.. if i read i am in their world not this world..

I get so tired you know... nothing i ever do is good enough.. i wish i wasnt me.  I worry that i subconciously sabotage things because i feel like i deserve to be punished for something i did in the past.. I go through my life and wonder what did i do or didnt do to cause all this pain i am suffering.. I must be to blame because i am the only common factor..

1 comment:

  1. I've been on amitriplyline on and off since 1968 and it's down to my brain chemistry. These "touchy and feely" things like CBT are useless. You can only control such depression using medication - in my case the latest SSRI drugs don't work work very well for me, the best medication that works is the old tricyclic: amitripltyline, first released in the 1950s.